Sen Cal Kapimi - Sacrifices

I haven't written in about 5 years so please be gentle. (Written at the end of episode 11)

 

 

 Sacrifices

‘Serkan, I want to talk to you,’ 

 

Eda put her hand on his chest and stopped him kissing her in greeting. Coupled with her unusually serious facial expression this had Serkan’s guard up instantly. Had Ayfer Hanim said something again? He knew she still didn’t approve of them being together, still didn’t like him after the fake engagement but he’d been slowly trying to win her over.

 

He took the hand on his chest in his own and pulled her down to a seat on the couch, ‘What’s wrong? What happened?’

 

Eda squirmed her hand away from his and twisted her engagement ring around on her finger. He loved that she still wore it - he still wore his -  he always thought of her as his fiancée anyway, just hadn’t found the perfect way to ask her yet.

 

‘I want to break up’

 

‘What?’ He felt a lurch in his stomach and his hand went up to his neck reflexively to check his pulse although he didn’t even register if there was a heartbeat let alone an abnormal one. ‘What the hell are you saying?’

 

Eda looked away from him, her hand massaging her forehead, ‘Please, Serkan don’t make this hard for me?’

 

‘Hard? This is hard for you? You said it so easily, you want to break up. It doesn’t look hard from here.’

 

He found himself unintentionally standing up, towering over her menacingly and he took a step back, softening his tone ‘Eda, please. Can you say something, I don’t know, say something logical. Where is this coming from?’ 

 

‘Logical?’ She stood up now, almost matching him for height, her slightly upturned face meeting his and her brown eyes flaming. ‘Relationships aren’t logical Serkan, how many times do I have to tell you this? I want to break up, that’s it. I’m leaving.’

 

‘Don’t go,’ he held her wrist, his insides burning with a mixture of rage, confusion and fear he could feel himself almost shaking from adrenaline.

 

‘I’m going,’ she said softly and pulled her wrist away from him just as softly. 

 

He watched her leave, his jaw clenched. He wanted to stop her but he worried he wouldn’t be able to speak without crying. He hadn’t been allowed to cry as a child, was always told off, always ridiculed, told to grow up, told to be a man, told to be strong.

 

His brain ran a mile a minute, what was going on? He’d seen Eda yesterday, she’d been fine, normal, a little worried still about her aunt not accepting them but that was all. If she wasn’t going to be with him because of Ayfer, she would have made that decision 6 months ago and gone to Italy for her interview. Not now, when they had so many happy memories behind them. Even Selin and Ferit were married and barely in their lives now. Why would she do this?

 

He stormed into the house as he pulled out his phone.  ‘Engin, whatever you’re doing stop. I need you to go see Ceren now. Eda broke up with me and I want to know why.’

 

There was a pause while Engin spluttered and took in the news, ‘Ağabeyim, what are you saying? Why? The girl loves you it’s obvious. There must be a mistake. Why would she-’

 

“I don’t know, that’s what I’m telling you Engin! Talk to Ceren, find out what she knows. I’m going to talk to Melek and do the same, meet me back at my house when you know something.”

 

He’d grabbed his keys as he’d been talking and made his way to his car. His eyes instantly fell on the lowered roof and then as he sat in the car, Eda’s side of the car door. It was stuffed with various bandanas, and hair-ties she left there on occasion when her hair had been up all day and she’d gotten bored, wanted to feel the wind in her hair as they drove. 

 

He lowered his head to the steering wheel and tried to stabilise his ragged breathing and pounding heartbeat  before he drove. He couldn’t risk an accident, couldn’t risk not being able to follow Eda wherever she went. 

 

She couldn’t leave. He wouldn’t let her. He couldn’t. What was his identity now without Eda? He woke up in the morning and his first thought was Eda, went to sleep with the sound of her voice in his ears, wore clothes he thought she’d like, worked with partners she’d approve of, constantly looked out for small presents and tokens she’d appreciate - like a magpie always on the lookout for its latest shiny object -  everything he did came back to her. She was in his blood, he wouldn’t survive without her, he wouldn’t be surprised if his organs just gave up and stopped working if she truly left him.

 

---

 

Eda sat in the back of the taxi, half expecting and hoping Serkan’s car to pull up behind with his lights flashing and horn blasting. He didn’t. There were two differences this time compared to when she’d tried to leave to go to Italy. Serkan didn’t come and Eda didn’t stop her tears. 

 

When they arrived she got out of the taxi and looked up at the house. She was supposed to call when she had done it, but she couldn’t bear to hear the smug voice of her Grandmother. After all these years of promising never to take her money Eda had put all her pride aside and gone to her, begging bowl in hand. 

 

She and her aunt had both been so happy in this house, the couldn’t lose it. Eda wouldn’t let that happen to Ayfer. 

 

She had taken Eda in when she was so young, never married herself for fear of a prospective husband treating Eda differently. Ayfer had sacrificed the possibility of a husband and a family to give Eda a home. It was Eda’s turn to do the same.

 

Barely able to see through her tears, Eda pressed send: ‘I broke up with him just like you wanted. Now, give my aunt back her home.’  

 

 

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