FF: Breathing Only Half of the Air - Chapter 15

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Chapter 15

They had spent barely four days together - if indeed 'together' was even the word to use – and yet Arnav had spent the next four weeks recalling every minute detail over and over again. Khushi to his annoyance did not seem similarly afflicted from what he had observed. He knew he had no right to expect anything from her, not even a distressed reaction. In fact he wanted nothing more than Khushi's happiness but the possibility that once again he had over-estimated the worth of their relationship gnawed at him.

Khushi was kept busy with the rapidly improving health of her father and more importantly Suraj coming and going. It had been his main aim in letting Khushi go but still Arnav couldn't help the feeling of growing resentment whenever he saw the three of them together being a family. He couldn't deny that he still wanted that place in Khushi's life. He wanted to be by her side, he wanted to be the father of her children but he couldn't. She already had a child and that child already had a father; Sharman didn't need him and neither did Khushi.

The restlessness inside him only grew as Babuji's health improved knowing that the day was drawing closer when she would leave. Although they hadn't spoken unless absolutely necessary since Arnav had decreed the premature end to their relationship he had still taken comfort in her presence in his house, in being able to see her whenever he wished.

When the fateful day finally dawned Arnav stayed in his room all morning. He had planned to go to work and be absent when she left but the thought of leaving while she still breathed life into his house and returning to a cold empty building stopped him. He could hear the sounds of movement back and forth outside of his closed door and leaned back on his recliner with his eyes closed replaying the first time he had kissed Khushi.

So vivid had his imaginations been that he was startled when he felt a hand on his shoulder. However when his eyes opened he wondered if he was still dreaming. Khushi was knelt on the floor besides him looking up at him with blind adoration and love.

'Arnavji, I'm leaving.'

Arnav stood up and turned his back to her to look out at the poolside. He clenched his fists together and swallowed heavily trying to control every urge to turn around and haul her to himself and refuse to let go. 'I know. Goodbye.'

There was a pause in which Arnav heard Khushi attempt to speak three times before she finally managed to. 'It doesn't have to be goodbye.'

'Yes. Yes it does,' he said harshly hoping to inject a sense of finality in his voice but failing miserably.

'I don't understand why you're doing this Arnavji'

'I told you Khushi. You need to be with...'

'No! I love you Arnavji and you love me! We talked about this! We said we'd wasted too much time. We didn't want to waste anymore. Why are you still doing this?'

'Khushi...' his voice came out almost in a plea and it was. He was pleading with her to stop before his resolve crumbled. Before he selfishly chose himself and his own happiness above that of a young child's.

'Arnavji, if it was a choice between you and Sharman then yes I would pick him. No matter how much I love you, I would pick him every time but it's not! I don't have to choose between you. I can still be a good mother to him even if I'm not married to Suraj!' She had moved to stand right beside him now shaking his left arm trying to provoke a reaction.

Arnav closed his eyes which were stinging with unshed tears, 'Khushi just go. Please.'

The hand on his arm abruptly fell and Arnav felt a sense of loss at the touch of her skin through his shirt. Only once he had heard the door close behind her did he open his eyes again. Standing in almost exactly the same position he had been 2 months ago when he'd arrived home to find her sitting at his poolside waiting for him and again when he'd banished her from his life so easily as she had once before believed he had done.