FF: It's Not Right - Chapter 34

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Chapter 34

‘Khushi.’

Khushi was sitting outside the hospital room her face buried in her hands although her tears had long since dried up. She had been on edge all evening, only an inch away from breaking down the whole time. Thankfully convincing Payal to go home with Amma and Buaji hadn’t been as much of an ordeal as she’d anticipated and Abhi had gone to drop all three of them home. Only then had Khushi allowed herself to fully fall apart.

She would have given anything to be able to make jalebis or do something useful but all attempts at helping out the nurses had been refuted with claims about her not being trained and sterilisation and procedures or some other nonsense and in the absence of having something to take her mind off the turmoil still raging in her heart Khushi sat down on a cold plastic chair and cried as she had been aching to do since that dark and rainy afternoon which seemed so long ago now.

Her thoughts having finally returned to Arnav after hours and hours of pushing any suggestion of contemplation to the back of her mind made her wonder if she had imagined it at first.

‘Khushi?’

Softer this time, pleading almost but undeniably his voice. She didn’t stay to think because if she had; doubts would have crept into her mind, memories of weeks of indifference and spiteful words would have stopped her in her tracks. But as it was, Khushi didn’t give herself a chance to think and nor did she give Arnav a chance to say anything more.

He had planned his speech so well, what he would say, how he would comfort her but seeing her slumped and defeated in a way he’d never witnessed before had reduced him to only being able to repeat her name over and over again. Her soft petite body collided into his larger one and he instinctively held her close and just let her speak.

‘I can’t lose him Arnav. What if it had been worse? I can’t lose my Babuji. Not again. I already lost my parents once Arnav, I can’t go through it all again.’

---

They had moved to the chairs, Arnav’s arms still around Khushi and her cheek against his chest. When her tears had finally subsided again she jerked her head up suddenly, finally taking in that Arnav really was there.

‘How did you know that…?’

Arnav had spent the evening mutilating his plants and doing everything possible to rid himself of thoughts of Khushi and Abhinav and had just prepared himself for a sleepless night when his phone had rung. ‘Abhinav called me.’ They were the first words he’d spoken since he’d arrived at the hospital and signalled his arrival to her. After receiving the phone call and while he’d been on his way to the hospital and planning his speech that sentence had kept coming out laced with resentment but now that he’d finally voiced it he recognised the strain of gratitude there. He would be forever grateful to Abhinav for giving him the opportunity to be with Khushi and provide her with comfort when she needed it most.

If he had been more arrogant, if Khushi’s disappointed face hadn’t been playing on his mind he might have rejected the call as he’d initially been planning on doing and then all hope of reconciliation with Khushi would probably have been lost. However all evening that was the conclusion he kept coming back to. He wanted Khushi in his life and if he had to swallow his pride and apologise to her he would do.

Fate had instead seemingly offered Khushi back to him without making any demands for words that would always seem too contrite to him. But Arnav Singh Raizada was not a coward. He knew he’d been in the wrong and now he had to make amends. ‘I’m sorry.’

When he should have said ‘I’m sorry, everything will be okay’ he had been almost unnervingly quiet. Khushi had actually liked that he hadn’t followed the usual path of comforting platitudes that most people recited in such situations. She nodded her head, acknowledging she’d heard him and continued to lean against him, trying to draw strength from his body.

‘I should never have said those things to you.’

Khushi lifted her head to look up at him with startlingly wide and confused eyes.

‘I just find it hard to trust people. I mean I trusted Shyam and look where that got me. Still it doesn’t make up for what I said. What I did. When I went to England I was angry because I’d seen you with Abhinav but I was angrier about the fact that I was getting used to you being in my life. Not just used to, I was… I liked it. Then I came back and it was like… I felt like you didn’t even care that we hadn’t spoken. It didn’t bother you like it bothered me and then today it just got out of hand and I don’t think you’re a gold digger or anything, I can’t even remember what I said it was all so stupid. I’m so… I’m sorry Khushi.’

He had been avoiding Khushi’s gaze as he spoke, staring at the cream coloured wall in front of them but when there was no response he looked down to where Khushi was still leaning against him, her chin tilted up to look at him. Her eyes were no longer tear ridden or even surprised. Instead the expression she was giving him almost resembled amusement. He gave her a questioning look and watched as she even more surprisingly hid her face in his chest to suppress a giggle.

Khushi had been shocked the first time Arnav apologised to her but since then she had slowly come to know more about Arnav. He had a sharp tongue, acted first and thought later so she had expected this apology sooner or later but as he had continued to talk and talk she couldn’t help but feel a surge of warmth, almost protective of the childlike man that had suddenly appeared before her.

‘What Khushi? What is it?’

Khushi stopped giggling and finally smiled at him properly, causing relief to flood through him and then he had to catch himself just in time to avoid laughing along with her when she spoke again.

‘I think that’s the most you’ve ever said at one time in the whole time we've known each other.’

He settled for rolling his eyes and leaning his chin on top of her head. ‘Khushi, are we... are we okay?’

Khushi smiled as she remembered the first time he’d asked her that question. ‘No.’

Arnav pulled back to look at her, feeling a sudden onset of panic, ‘no?’

‘I’m sorry for what I said too Arnav.’

‘No Khushi you didn’t...’

‘I did Arnav. I said horrible things as well that I shouldn’t have. I did miss you when you were gone. It did bother me that you didn’t call me but I didn’t want to show it. I didn’t want you to know how much I cared... maybe for the same reasons. I was getting used to you and then you just went away and didn’t even seem to remember me. And I promise I don’t want t pressure you into marriage or anything! I know I did all that with Lavanyaji but I didn’t understand you then. Now I know you don’t want to hurt Nani and Di so I promise that’s not what I want from you! Not at all. I’ll just... Babuji if he had... I realised I just have to take things as they come. We can’t predict the future. So I’m sorry, I really am. Now are we okay?’

Arnav nodded slowly, trying to make sense of everything she’d said which had drifted from one topic to another at lightning speed. He leaned forward trying to push aside the indignant protests his brain was now making at Khushi’s almost blatant refusal to marry him and finally kissed her again. He’d been fantasising about kissing her again since their anniversary date and as he tasted her natural sweetness and she hesitantly deepened the kiss he managed to succeed.