OS: Starting Again

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OS: Starting Again

Arnav stopped at the top of the stairs when he saw Khushi alone in the living room with Payal and Akash's new born son Sanjay in her lap. His heart thudded loudly against his ribcage almost bursting with pleasure at the near-perfect sight in front of him. Khushi, in his house, in their house, looking so at home and beautifully maternal with the baby.

She'd been to visit when Di had had her baby too of course but he'd kept his distance then knowing she was still hurting from what he'd put her through. But when Payal had announced her pregnancy there had probably been no one in the household happier than he had been. He'd known Khushi could never stay away when Payal needed her and just as he'd predicted, her visits to the house and his opportunities to see her had increased in tandem with Payal's pregnancy. By the last month, Khushi had been almost a daily visitor and she had finally relented to at least awkwardly polite conversation with him.

The day Sanjay had been born she had properly smiled at him for the first time in nearly a year and Arnav knew he'd never forget Sanjay's birthday as long as he lived. He took a deep breath and made his way over to the couch she was sitting on making sure to leave enough room between them so that she wouldn't feel uncomfortable.

Khushi greeted him politely and continued to play with Sanjay, shaking a rattle in front of his face trying to make him follow it with his eyes.

Arnav watched the two of them and the ache in his chest rendered it almost impossible for him to breathe. He swallowed heavily and held out a finger which Sanjay grasped immediately in his small hand. 'I never thought I'd be good with children you know but they're not bad. Pooja and Sanjay seem to like me at least. I think I'd be a good Dad actually. If it was a boy of course, I could teach him to play cricket and football, and how to be brave like his Dad.' He said it all in a rush, anxious to hear her response.

Khushi smiled brightly trying to hide the discomfort she felt at the thought of Arnav ever marrying again or having children with someone else.  'He might not like any of those things. Or you could have a girl.'

'If it's a girl I can still teach her to be brave and strong but you would have to do all the cooking or dancing and whatever.' Arnav bent over and pulled Sanjay's fist which was still holding his finger towards him and kissed it before sitting back up and looking at Khushi.

Khushi smiled hesitantly and looked down trying to avoid his gaze, 'of course, don't worry. Their Khushi Mausi will be here to teach them anything they need to learn. Isn't that right Sanjay?'

'That's not... That's not what I meant.'

Khushi felt tears prickling at her eyes as she thought of all the dreams she had had once, 'Arnavji...'

Arnav released his hand from Sanjay's grasp to put it over Khushi's. 'Khushi, how could you even think I would...?'

Khushi tried to pull her hand away but she was holding Sanjay as well so she could only move a little bit. 'Arnavji, please don't...'

'This is everything I want Khushi,' he waved his free hand to indicate Khushi and Sanjay. 'You, me; a family. Don't tell me you haven't thought about it. Please tell me this is something you want too.'

A teardrop fell, staining Sanjay's white bodysuit slightly and Khushi found her chin being tilted up by Arnav's gentle touch.

'Khushi?'

His voice was almost as soft as his touch was, now stroking her cheek with the back of his hand.

'But Arnavji...'

Arnav shook his head, 'no. No buts, whats or ifs. Just yes or no. Please Khushi, just once; say yes and then you'll see. Everything will be alright, I'll make it alright. Give me one more chance Khushi, I promise I'll never let you regret it. I'll do everything possible to make you happy. I promise.'

Khushi looked at the absolute sincerity in his eyes and found herself tearing up even more. She'd forgiven Arnav for what he'd done to her as soon as he'd asked but had found trusting him again hard. However she'd seen in the past year that he genuinely had changed for the better. She had worried that his new found compassion and love would once again disappear as it usually did and he would hurt her again. Instead he had respected every decision she'd made, done everything she'd asked of him; organised a divorce, given her space and time instead of overwhelming her with his presence as he had been initially intent on doing and ensuring Payal was untroubled by Mamiji.

'I need some more time,' she said softly, half expecting Arnav to get angry and declare that she'd already had over a year and he couldn't give her any more time. Instead he simply nodded, kissed Sanjay on the forehead and then Khushi's hand and then left the living room.

Khushi's hand was still tingling from the feel of his soft lips when Payal came back from the kitchen with Sanjay's milk.

---

It was nearly two months later and their roles were almost reversed. Khushi had been on her way to Payal and Akash's room to see them when she caught a glimpse of Arnav sitting in the study typing with one hand and Sanjay sleeping peacefully in his other arm.

Khushi hesitated before she went in, Arnav looked up immediately, sensing her arrival as he always seemed to do. 'Shall I take him and put him down?'

She held her arms out but Arnav shook his head lightly and Khushi's hands went back to her sides. She began clutching the sides of her dress feeling awkward but not wanting to leave. Arnav and Sanjay looked so peaceful together she just wanted to watch them forever.

Arnav stayed silent for a few minutes waiting for her to speak before moving over slightly on the couch. 'Do you want to sit down?'

She sat down slowly leaving a small gap between their bodies unsure of how to start the conversation. She knew it was ridiculous to feel shy of Arnav after everything they'd been through but that was the only description for how she was feeling right now.

It was a long time later when Arnav finally found the courage to speak. He was scared of the answer he might receive but was desperate to finally be put out of his misery one way or the other. 'Khushi? Have you... I don't want to pressure you or anything. I mean if you need more time of course you can... have you... have you thought about us?'

Khushi nodded but there were even more minutes of silence before she finally spoke just as Sanjay gave a loud cry. 'I want to try again.'

Arnav whipped his head up wondering if he'd imagined it. He looked at Khushi questioningly and the small smile and nod he received in return had his heart thudding painfully against his ribcage. He reached out to cup her face again planning to kiss her lightly when Sanjay gave another cry interrupting the moment.

Arnav grinned and looked down at the baby gurgling and smiling. 'Look Khushi, he's saying he wants you to be his Chachi now, not his Mausi.'

Khushi's mouth opened in affront and she bent down near to Sanjay putting her ear near his face. 'No, no Arnavji you don't understand baby language. He's saying you should be his Mausaji.'

The quick change in atmosphere caught them unaware and they looked at each other almost in shock before the corner of Arnav's lips turned into a smile and Khushi broke out into a laugh. They continued to smile at each other before Arnav moved closer putting one arm tentatively around Khushi's shoulder. 'Anything you want Khushi, as long as you're with me he can call me anything you want.'

Khushi leaned her head against Arnav's finally feeling fully at peace for the first time in nearly two years and his arm around her tightened in response. 'How about a compromise? How does Badi Amma and Bade Papa sound to you?'

Arnav leaned down and captured her lips slowly, relishing in their softness. He wanted to take the kiss further and explore her mouth properly but there would be time later. He also didn't want to scar his nephew at such a young age and so he reluctantly pulled back. 'Will we...' he stopped mid-sentence wondering if it was too soon, if he was rushing into things but then Khushi's earnest happy face almost forced him to continue. 'Will we ever be just Amma and Papa?'

Khushi blushed deep pink and buried her head in the crook of his neck feeling both embarrassed and deliriously happy at the thought. 'I'm not that type of girl Mr Raizada. I need to be married first before I can even think about children.'

Arnav sighed contentedly and smirked, 'shall we run away to the Temple and get married today?'

Khushi smiled, hardly able to believe that she could even joke about something that had once been such a traumatic event in her life. 'Sure. Why not?'

Arnav shook his head emphatically, 'no! We're doing everything properly this time. I'm going to come to your house, ask Babuji and Amma for your hand and then we'll do all the mehndi and haldi and everything.'

Khushi snuggled closer to Arnav and wrapped her hands around his arm as she'd wished to do but been unable to on so many occasions before. 'And then?'

'And then kids. One cricket playing boy or girl to call me Papa at the very least. You can decide how many others you want.'

'No,' Khushi shook her head against his neck and Arnav's brow furrowed as she raised her head to look at him, her eyes full of mischief. 'I'm going to make our kids call you Babuji!'

'Khushi! That makes me sound so old!'

She grinned and took Sanjay out of his lap into her own, 'you are old Arnavji!'