FF: Breathing Only Half of the Air - Chapter 8

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 Chapter 8

'He's never walked alone for that long before.'

Her voice shocked him and there was a soft thump as Sharman fell onto his bottom on the marble floor. 'Oh crap! I'm sorry,' Arnav rushed to pick Sharman up again looking at Khushi with fearful eyes.

Khushi smiled softly as she sat up, 'it's okay, he has a nappy on it wouldn't have hurt.'

Arnav looked at Sharman who was looking up at him smiling, two teeth poking out of his pink wet gums and looked over him critically trying to see if there were any signs of injury.

'He was having trouble sleeping... new house, new bed you know.' Khushi stood up as hesitantly as she spoke, 'I didn't want him to wake Suraj up so I brought him...'

The sound of Suraj's name from her husky, sleep-worn voice lilted with adoration and a hint of amusement had his nostrils flaring in controlled anger and he put Sharman down on the floor carefully this time and turned around towards the gym.

'Arnavji?'

If hearing Suraj's name had wounded him, hearing his own name from her lips was like a soothing balm. He'd ached, he'd pined, he'd cried just to hear his name from her lips one more time and now he had there was no question of ignoring her, no question of walking away and avoiding a conversation he desperately didn't want to have.

'Please listen to me. I know... I know you can't even bear to look at me but please, just once let me explain.'

Arnav turned swiftly on his heel to finally meet her gaze fully for the first time in three years.

---

'A... Arnavji?'

Arnav turned away from his sister at the sound of her soft hesitant voice to see her sitting up, clutching his jacket to her chest.

'Is Anjaliji...? Is there any change?'

He shook his head slowly and looked back at Anjali and at the hand he held clasped in both of his. The doctors had stopped the internal bleeding in surgery and Anjali had been unconscious ever since. 'She should have woken up by now. The anaesthesia should have worn off, Khushi she...'

Khushi stood up and rushed over to him putting her own hand over both of theirs. 'She'll be fine. The doctor said... the doctor said the surgery went fine didn't he? No complications, nothing. Anjaliji will be fine, you'll see Arnavji, she'll wake up soon and then...' Khushi's sentence trailed off as she remembered the events of last night.

She took her hand away and moved back a step, draping his jacket over her chest again as she began to shiver.  She turned around quickly and hastily wiped away her tears trying to control her emotions. 'Arnavji, I... we... I need to talk to you.'

He looked up at her, concerned as he noticed her shaking hands and pale face. 'Khushi, what's wrong?' Arnav stood up and took a step towards her but she stepped backwards with a hand held out to stop him moving further.

'I... I spoke to Shyamji last night.'

'What? Shyamji? Do you mean Jeejaji? He was here? Why didn't you wake me up? Where has he been all day? Is he alright? Where is he now?'

Khushi rubbed a hand over her eyes, still not quite believing what she had to tell him, 'Arnavji he's not... Oh God. He did this.'

'What? He did what Khushi?'

Khushi tilted her head slightly and looked at Anjali, her eyes now brimming with tears once again.

'What? What the hell are you saying Khushi? You're saying Jeejaji ran her over?'

She could tell he didn't believe her at all and Khushi choked back tears, she knew she would have to tell him everything; she'd known it for weeks now but had avoided it hoping, praying she would never have to tell him. Praying that she would never again have to see hate and loathing in the eyes that she had come to love so much. 'He didn't... He arranged it.'

He moved forward in an instant, his hands on her arms over the jacket she still had draped on her chest. 'WHAT?! Khushi do you even know what you're saying?! Jeejaji loves DI! He would never...'

Khushi shook her head, her tears spilling over and falling down her cheeks rapidly. 'He's not... He's not who you... He was my... my fi... fiance.'

The fury in his eyes began to abate slightly, replaced with confusion as Arnav processed what she was saying. '...Shyam? Your... your fiance Shyam?' Her head barely moved but it was definitely a nod and Arnav unconsciously tightened his hold on her arms. 'You're saying my Jeejaji was your fiance? My Jeejaji was the man that betrayed you and your family?'

The pain in her arms barely registered as Khushi concentrated on the pain in Arnav's eyes, the fact that she had caused the pain even indirectly, was killing her inside and knowing that what she had to say would only make it worse.

'He... he... he said he still wants to... with me... that's why... He said if I don't ma... marry him he'll...'

Arnav spoke over her, trembling himself from the rage in his blood, 'why didn't you tell me before?' You've known for over three months now. I was there when you met him! Why didn't you tell me Khushi?!'

'I... I wanted to... but you... you love Anjaliji so much and I... I couldn't. I even tried... I was going to tell Anjaliji but...'

Arnav pushed her back against the wall, her back colliding painfully with the cold wall, 'But WHAT KHUSHI?!'

The door opened suddenly and Arnav and Khushi's eyes both flew to the door where Payal and Akash walked in, looking tired and weary but optimistic. Arnav let go of Khushi's arms instantly and stepped back sneering. 'Oh I see. I get it now. I broke her first marriage so you used me to make sure that didn't happen the second time around,' he said caustically striding past a bewildered Akash and Payal out into the hallway determined to find something or alternatively someone he could punch and relieve some of his anger, his hurt and frustration.

Khushi ran after him leaving his jacket trailing behind her onto the floor of the hospital room. 'Arnavji, please wait! Please listen to me! It's not like that!'

He turned around quickly and Khushi collided into his body but he clenched his fists together to stop himself reaching out to steady her and Khushi stumbled backwards. 'Fine. Tell me,' he said as she struggled to find her footing. 'Tell me what it's like then? Tell me you didn't lie so that Payal and Akash's marriage wouldn't be called off. Tell me you didn't protect Jeej... keep his secret just to ruin my sister's life to get revenge for your sister! Tell me you didn't... tell me you didn't use me, tell me this whole thing... you, me... tell me it wasn't a lie! Tell me you love me!'

Khushi's mouth fell open in a gasp at his words. Did this mean he... did this mean he loved her too?

'Yeah that's what I thought,' Arnav said, masking his pain with indifference. 'Leave, Khushi. I can't deal with you right now. I can't... I can't think about this now. Di needs me so just get out! I don't want you anywhere near her,' he said walking past Khushi back towards the hospital room.

As his shoulder brushed hers the cloud lifted from Khushi's brain, 'what? No! No Arnavji! Wait! That's not what I meant!'

She ran again to catch up to him, her protestations forgotten as she saw Doctors running towards the room as well but from the opposite direction as Akash and Payal were ushered out by a nurse.

'Akash! Akash, what happened!'

---

Arnav was looking at her steadily waiting for her to speak and Khushi licked her lips unconsciously. She hadn't expected him to wait, hadn't expected him to be so ready to listen to her and she had trouble deciding what to say, where to start. She swallowed and took a small step forward deciding to start simply, with the one thing she had wanted him to believe more than anything else. 'I... I really did love you.'

His eyes had been drawn to her lips when her tongue had darted out and only when she'd spoken did his eyes leave her lips to look into her eyes automatically. Only the sounds of Sharman shuffling across the floor marred the endless silence that stretched in between them. Arnav breathed in and out still searching her eyes for signs of fallacy, for a sign that she was playing a cruel joke on him, dangling dreams in front of him that weren't his to reach for anymore. 'If you... if you... loved me... Why did you leave?' His voice was shaky despite the control he'd tried to infuse into every word.

'Because you asked me to.'

Her brief answer, so simply put, as if it was supposed to explain everything away, as if she could put all the blame on him in just five short words had his blood boiling. 'Because I asked you to?! Because I... Do you know what I thought Khushi!? Do you even have any idea what I was going through? I thought... we couldn't find Shyam for a month and I thought... I thought you'd left together! I thought you loved him! But I was wrong wasn't I? You didn't leave to be with Shyam, you left to be with Suraj!'

'No!' Khushi lurched forwards towards him as he stepped back away from her, 'I would never love Shyamji! And I didn't... I didn't leave you for Suraj! I love you!'

Arnav stepped forward then and reached his hand out pulling at the mangalsutra still around her neck disdainfully, 'then what the f**k is this? What the...' he looked over at Sharman still playing happily on the floor before looking back at Khushi. 'How the f**k do you explain... Was that...' He stretched his arm out towards Sharman, running his other hand haphazardly through his hair trying to find a coherent thought to hold onto and maintain a fraction of calm in front of the infant. 'I hate you Khushi! I hate you!'

Khushi made to follow him as he turned and strode towards the stairs before Sharman's agitated cry at seeing her leave forced her to stop. Khushi looked over her shoulder at Sharman reaching his hands out to her and trying to stand up himself with no support and let out a strangled cry as she rubbed her hand over her teary eyes and moved to pick him up.

Arnav slammed his door behind him and sat on his chair putting his head in his hands, eyes closed tightly trying to stop his mind replaying the conversation when his head jerked up. She'd said 'I love you,' not 'I loved you.'