FF: Breathing Only Half of the Air - Chapter 9

Read all previous parts of this FF over here.

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Chapter 9
'Sharman is staying here with me!'

'But Khushi...'

'No Suraj, you have work anyway so you'll have to leave him with a babysitter and here I can look after him all day just like I do at home.'

Suraj sighed as he let Khushi take out Sharman's clothes from the suitcase. 'I wish I didn't have to go Khushi. I'd stay with you if I could.'

'Suraj, I know you could only get a week's holiday. It doesn't matter. Hopefully Babuji will get better soon and then we can all go back to Mumbai.' She continued to take out the clothes avoiding Suraj's studious gaze.

'Are you going to talk to him?'

She slowly took out the last of Sharman's clothes, 'he... he doesn't want to talk to me.'

'Khushi, he's angry. It's understandable, he thinks you just ran off and married me. He probably thinks you never had any feelings for him at all. I know he's been avoiding you all week but once I'm gone, maybe you could try again? I know you want to.'

Khushi sat down and put her hands over her face, trying to rub away some of the exhaustion and worry, 'I don't... I don't know what to do Suraj. I don't want to talk to him... I'm scared... What if the truth doesn't matter to him? What if he means it? What if he really hates me?'

Suraj sat down on the bed next to her and rubbed her back soothingly, 'but what if he doesn't?'

---

Arnav stopped pacing and pounced on the Doctor as soon as he came out, 'Doctor! What's wrong? Is Di alright? She was fine before! What happened?'

'Mr Raizada you need to calm down. Your sister went into cardiac arrest...'

'WHAT?!'

'She's alive. Please calm down Mr Raizada. Anjali is alive however after her arrest there's currently no brain function.'

Khushi began silently praying again to Devi Maiyya even as Akash and Arnav continued to talk to the Doctor.

'We've hooked her up to the EEG machine to monitor brain activity but right now all of the leads are isoelectric Mr Raizada. That means that right now there's no brain function.'

'But... but do you... do you mean she's... How? She was fine before!'

'Sometimes in car accidents air is released into the system and then that air moves up into the brain. There's still a chance for recovery. We'll wait four hours then we'll check her Auditory Evoked Responses before we make any decisions.'

'Decisions? You mean... What are you trying to say?'

'Bhai please, let the Doctor talk.'

'Frankly Mr Raizada if there's no brain function, the body is effectively a living corpse. It is up to you to decide if that is the type of life Anjali would want. I understand that Anjali's married? Is her husband her next of kin?'

Arnav looked sharply to his right, straight at Khushi who flinched at the anger burning in his eyes. 'No! He doesn't get to make any decisions about my sister!'

There was no chance for Khushi to speak to Arnav in the next four hours with all of the family having arrived at the hospital and Arnav never leaving Anjali's side. He hadn't looked at her the whole time and when she'd attempted to give him a glass of water he'd turned his back on her.

She stood with her hands clasped in front of her mouth as the Doctor connected Anjali to the machine again and did the test, a shuddering sigh of relief passed from everybody's lips as he smiled but Khushi only had eyes for Arnav who had his jaw set in a grim line obviously trying to control the tears she could see gathered in his eyes.

'The good news is that there is some brain activity. However there's nothing else we can do medically except wait for Anjali to wake up from this coma.'

Khushi stopped outside the door, just watching Arnav's defeated posture through the door. She had stayed again using the same excuses she had the previous night and now stood with a plate of food in her hand, knowing he had only eaten very little at lunchtime and that too at Nani's insistence.

'Get out.'

Even before she had stepped inside the room fully his sharp tone had her pausing. 'Arnavji please...'

'I said get out!'

'Please let me explain! I did it for Anjali...'

He stood up then, hands clenched by his side but still didn't turn to look at her. 'Don't you dare! Don't even dare to take her name Khushi Kumari Gupta! You are the reason she is here right now. Because you wanted to settle your sister's life you put my sister's one at risk!'

'I didn't...'

'If she doesn't wake up...'

'She will! She will! Please Arnavji, my Devi Maiyya won't let my faith in her be tested like this...'

'Shut up and get out! Just get out! You did this Khushi! It's your fault! If something... if she doesn't... Get out!'

Khushi's hands trembled as she walked forward shakily, her tears blurring her vision as she placed the plate on the table next to him and then walked out slowly and silently.

Arnav closed his eyes as she left, forcing himself not to look at her. He couldn't bear to look at her, because if he did he would melt, he'd see her tears, he'd believe her lies and he couldn't do that. Not while his sister was fighting for her life. The plate of food taunted him and questioned him. If she was using him why did she still show concern? Payal had been married over a month ago so why had Khushi's games continued? Just yesterday she had been in his room, trembling in anticipation as she always did in his presence. Anticipation of what?

He sat back down, his head in his hands and memories filling his head. An hour later when he finally reached for the plate, the food having long ago gone cold he realised that Khushi hadn't eaten. Nobody had had breakfast and lunch had passed with her standing near to him anxiously watching him. He stood up immediately and left the room, his concern for her wellbeing erasing all traces of anger and hurt.

The sight of her small body hunched over in a cold plastic chair melted his heart and he stood next to her and watched her sleep. There were things he didn't understand, explanations he needed. He had spent the whole day thinking over the situation and his version of events didn't make sense. There were too many gaps, too many loopholes in his theory. He wanted so desperately to believe Khushi, to talk to her, to touch her, to just look at her. But he couldn't. He felt like he would be betraying Anjali if he did.

Right now Anjali needed his 100% concentration. His feelings for Khushi would have to wait. Extricating themselves from the quagmire she had turned their lives into would have to wait for if... when Anjali got better. Only then could he allow himself to once again dream of a life with Khushi.

Khushi woke up in the morning, her hopes instantly lifted as she saw Arnav's jacket draped over her once again. She had eventually fallen asleep on one of the chairs in the waiting room continuously praying until her eyelids had fallen heavy and exhausted. She stood up immediately with new vigour and wore the jacket. His scent on the jacket had begun to fade and change slightly, mixing with her own to create a new heady aroma that Khushi loved instantly.

'Get out,' once again he spoke before she had entered the room fully but this time she didn't stop, she walked in until she was standing right next to his chair and Arnav could see the green colour of her trousers in the corner of his eye. They were both still wearing the same clothes they'd been wearing two days ago and Arnav's heart ached at the thought of how beautiful that morning had been. How excited he had been to see her, to talk to her.
'Arnavji...'

He needed to make her leave him alone, give him some reprieve from his conflicted emotions and so he went to the emotion he knew best. 'I don't want to hear anything you have to say. I can't even bear to look at you!'

His happiness had lain for years solely in Anjali's happiness and he didn't know if he could be happy with Khushi if Anjali wasn't there to witness it. He loved Khushi, he was sure of that but he wasn't sure how unconditional his love was. And honestly he didn't want to find out. Anjali had been the centre of his existence for so long; it seemed like too much of a betrayal to admit to the possibility that he could love Khushi just as much, in a different way. If Anjali died, could he be happy with Khushi knowing that she had a part in her death, no matter how large or small that involvement turned out to be. If Anjali didn't wake up, would he still trust Khushi? Would he still love her?

---

Khushi looked at the door one last time before she picked up Sharman who was asleep and took him upstairs to the guest room. It was almost as if he'd disappeared. Since the night she had caught him playing with Sharman, she hadn't seen Arnav for even a second. The first few days, she'd heard Anjali saying he left for work early and came home late and then once Suraj had left Payal had informed her of the sudden business trip to England Arnav had gone on.

He was supposed to return today and Khushi had sat in the living room practically the whole day just waiting to catch a glimpse of him. She needed to explain about Suraj, explain about Sharman. And then if he still hated her, if he still didn't want to see her face... she would just have to accept it.

She put the monitor on so she would hear if Sharman cried and made her way to the poolside to wait. In the week that Arnav had been gone she had come to the poolside every night. Just to sit and think about the past and the mistakes that she had made. She hadn't trusted him, she hadn't had a reason to at first, but as they had gotten closer to each other her secrets had begun to prey on her mind. It had taken Anjali's accident to make Khushi realise she should have spoken to Arnav earlier. 

She didn't want to wait for something like that to happen again. She needed to tell him the truth first and then let him make his decision. Whatever it was, whether it was in her favour or not, the decision was Arnav's to make. Not hers.