FF: Breathing Only Half of the Air - Chapter 1

Read all previous parts of this FF over here.

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Chapter 1


The sound of footsteps through the door had Arnav stiffening, fighting the urge to leave and never look back. The door opened and Arnav released a breath he hadn't realised he was holding. The desire to leave rose up again, Di was always going on about fate and kismet and although Arnav didn't usually believe any of that he was more than willing to believe it at that moment if it meant he could walk away and continue to live his life in denial. 

'Chote, her father is ill! Please find her, for Babuji's sake, please.'

The memory of his sister's tears and pleas which had finally convinced him to do something he had spent three years avoiding kept him standing in place. The man in front of him obviously wasn't her but this was the only address he'd been able to find for her and he couldn't leave now without at least asking. 'Is there a Khushi Kumari Gupta here?'

'Khushi? Oh she's...' the man began to speak before he looked over his shoulder at a noise in the background and opened the door wider so Arnav could look clearly into the apartment and see a woman in a plain blue kurta and jeans with her hair in a messy bun come out of a room looking around the living room as if searching for something.

'Suraj, have you seen my yellow dress? The one with the...'

Their gazes met and every feeling that Arnav had been wrestling with, every emotion that he'd been repressing for the best part of three years threatened to spill over onto the surface as he held onto the door frame to stop himself from running over and crushing the woman to himself and refusing to ever let go again.

'I'm guessing you know each other?'

Suraj smiled at Khushi, his voice causing her to break eye contact with Arnav and snap herself out of memories that she rarely allowed herself to think about. 'Erm... erm...' she looked around the room quickly before her eyes landed on her dupatta strewn over the back of a chair and put it on slowly trying to buy herself some time to control her nerves.

Arnav couldn't help the surge of possessiveness that overtook him as he watched her put her scarf on. Who was this Suraj that she felt comfortable enough to allow into her home and yet felt the need to put her scarf on in front of him?

'Yes, Suraj this is... Jiji's brother-in-law.'

'Oh.'

The previously friendly eyes turned cold and unwelcoming as recognition flooded them and Arnav felt his dislike of the man rising even while he was politely led to a seat on the sofa. Why did this man know who he was without even being told a name? Why did he know Khushi's sister? Why was he here, in her apartment at all?

Khushi went and stood next to Suraj, needing the comfort and stability that his presence provided to anchor her confused emotions from spiralling out of control. She had expected to never see Arnav again, relegating his memories to that secret part of her mind she rarely visited along with the dreams that she had woven many years ago. Dreams which remained intact despite Arnav's many attempts to shatter and destroy them.

'How can we help you Mr Raizada?'

Arnav ignored the person who had questioned him and spoke instead to the person he had resigned himself to never seeing again despite the constant yearning to be with her that he'd never managed to rid himself of. 'Your father has had another stroke. The Doctors' aren't sure he'll survive this one so I'm here to take you to him.'

He spoke bluntly as if he was asking her about the weather not as if he'd just delivered her the most heartbreaking news she could receive. 'Babuji?'

She turned automatically to Suraj who held her arms in his and Arnav clenched his fists together to stop himself giving in to the urge to tear them apart and then beat Suraj black and blue for even daring to touch her.

'Khushi, don't cry. It'll be okay. We'll go straight away, nothing will happen to Babuji.'

'Okay, I'll just go and pack and then we can...but you have that meeting tomorrow. We can't go, Suraj!' Khushi's mind was spinning with a thousand thoughts. Babuji was ill, Suraj's meeting, Sharman, and most of all Arnav. Arnav, back in her life, a life she had struggled to rebuild, a life that had always threatened to overwhelm her with pain until Suraj had helped her and given her life a new purpose, new happiness to balance out the pain.

Suraj shook his head and wiped away the tears on Khushi's face, 'that's not important Khushi. You are. We're going to Delhi.'

'No, no Suraj. You can't miss it. You've been waiting for this for over a year. You need this. We need this.'

'Khushi... okay... okay look you go today to Babuji and we'll come tomorrow night.'

'You mean you and Sharman? But... Suraj are you sure? I don't think I can...' Khushi couldn't help the feeling of panic at the thought of going back to Delhi alone, her two worlds had finally collided as she had always feared they would and she was scared that without them to anchor her she would succumb once again to the temptation of a world she had long left behind.

'Khushi, you'll be preoccupied with Babuji, its best if Sharman comes with me tomorrow. Now, go!'

Arnav looked away trying to control his growing curiosity and fury about the nature of the relationship between Khushi and Suraj. Khushi Kumari Gupta meant nothing to him anymore. He had repeated that same phrase in his head over a million times in the past three years hoping it would one day cease to be a wish and turn into reality.

The two men sat in awkward silence until they heard the door open again and they both stood up. Suraj walked over to help Khushi while Arnav stood frozen in shock and anger at the picture they painted.

It was then that he finally allowed himself to look around the apartment. There were toys piled on top of one another in a corner, baby clothes strewn over various surfaces and the mantelpiece full of pictures which mirrored the sight in front of him.

Khushi stood with Sharman on her hip as Suraj took the small suitcase from her free hand and put it down on the floor. 'Suraj how can I leave him?'

Arnav kept staring at the mantelpiece, There were a couple of pictures of the three of them smiling into the camera, some other people Arnav didn't recognise, sometimes with Suraj, sometimes with Khushi, Suraj's family most likely.

'Khushi, it's just for one day,' Suraj said as he extended his hands to take the boy into his own arms. 'Woken up have you? Just in time to say goodbye to Mama.'

'I've never left him before though Suraj... I don't think I can do it.' Khushi's voice shook as she spoke.

Arnav's eyes focused on the last picture, the one that his brain had registered but tried to avoid. Khushi in a hospital bed, looking tired and exhausted, holding a newborn baby in her arms.

Suraj wiped away Khushi's tears again with his hand, 'how many times are you going to cry Khushi? No wonder Sharman cries so much at night if this is the example you set for him.'

Khushi smiled through her tears before she put her arms around Suraj and Sharman hugging them tightly. 'Be a good boy for Papa okay baby? No crying and no screaming,' she kissed the oblivious smiling one year old on the cheek and hesitated slightly before kissing his father similarly. 'Are you sure?'

'Yes Khushi, I'm sure.'

Suraj gently pushed Khushi towards Arnav who stood watching them, his whole body tensed, fists clenched in controlled fury and a muscle twitching at his clenched jaw. He had told himself again and again on the way over that he felt nothing for Khushi Kumari Gupta anymore. No hate, no love, no anger, nothing. But he'd been wrong, so wrong. Hate, love, anger, jealous, possessive; he felt every single one of those emotions and so many more.