FF: Breathing Only Half of the Air - Chapter 3

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Chapter 3

Khushi slowed down as she approached his door. She had seen his eyes, red rimmed and swollen as he had rushed past the dining table where she'd been talking until late with Payal and Akash.

Arnav held his breathe as he heard the footsteps come to a stop outside his door. He hit the bed with his fist as he heard them walk away again, hating himself for wanting her to come to him, hating her for even stopping and giving him any hope.

Khushi heard the groan of frustration come from his room and she closed her eyes, hating that she cared, hating that she felt compelled to stay. She knocked lightly hoping he wouldn't hear it or that he would hear it and ignore it and then she could leave without feeling guilty.

Why was she doing this? Why was she making things so much more difficult for him? He opened the door angrily, 'what?!'

'I... I just wanted to... wanted to see if you were okay.'

She still refused to look at him, mumbling in the direction of his feet making him angrier. He pulled her into the room, closing the door behind them and pushing her against it. 'Don't act like you care!'

She looked up at him then, eyes wide with fear as her hands instinctively went to his forearms, not quite pushing him away. 'I... of course I care!'

'Don't lie,' he whispered menacingly, 'you didn't care then and you don't care now! It's all just an act, it's always been an act!'

Khushi couldn't believe he could accuse her of not caring about him. She had left her father, left her family, everybody just for him and he completely belittled her sacrifice with just one sentence. 'Who do you think you are to tell me I don't care?! You still think...? It was never a lie! You! You are the one that pushed me away! You were the one who told me...'

He didn't want to hear her repeat what he'd said. It hurt him every time to think about it and he couldn't bear to see the pain in her eyes again.


'Shut up and get out! Just get out! You did this Khushi! It's your fault! If something... if she doesn't... Get out!'

The shock of his lips pressing against hers had her frozen for a few seconds until she found herself kissing back, closing her eyes and squeezing the biceps under her hands.

He had just wanted to stop her talking but as he finally experienced the sweetness of her lips he realised that none of his dreams could ever compare to the actual thing. He used his tongue to push her lips apart, finally tasting the heaven he had dreamed about since that ill-fated Diwali.

The sensation of his tongue against hers had Khushi's eyes opening in shock. She could see Arnav's eyes closed but then the face in front of her changed to Suraj's, with his eyes very much open and looking at her reproachfully.

Arnav had stilled as he realised Khushi was no longer responding, he moved back fractionally to look at her, unsure of how to react or what to say.

Khushi clasped a hand over her mouth in horror before she pushed Arnav back with the other hand and opened the door to run to her room.

Arnav slammed the door behind her retreating figure and punched the wall beside it. 'F**k!'

Khushi shut the door of the guestroom behind her with trembling hands before she pulled her phone out of her jeans.

'Hello?'

'Suraj?'

'Khushi? Is everything okay? You sound upset? Babuji's still fine isn't he?'

'Suraj... I... I have to tell you something,' Khushi was still shaking as she slid down the door to sit on the floor with her knees pulled up.

'Okay, go on.'

Khushi lifted a hand to her trembling lips, still able to remember how Arnav's kiss felt as a tear slid down her cheek. She couldn't tell him over the phone that would be so wrong. 'No, I... I'll tell you tomorrow. You are still coming aren't you?'

After they'd discussed flight times and whether Sharman had eaten and slept peacefully Khushi put the phone down in greater turmoil than she had been when she'd first rung him.

She changed her clothes hurriedly and lay down on the bed, closing her eyes trying to forget what had just happened. It didn't help. Images flashed through her mind of that Diwali with Arnav, Diwali with Suraj, her first kiss with Suraj and now her first kiss with Arnav.

---

'So what's up with you and Diwali?'

Khushi looked up as Suraj came out of the kitchen and sat next to her on the couch offering her a cup of tea.

'Last year, you locked yourself in your room and this year you've been quiet all day. Thinking about your Arnavji I guess? Want to talk about it?'

Khushi shook her head almost imperceptibly and stared into her teacup trying to forget the past once again. She had never spoken about Diwali to anybody, not even to Arnav or to herself after that horrible day, choosing to try and pretend it had never happened. But every year when Diwali came around, she could think of nothing else.

'Well, last year while you were locked up in there,' he nodded towards the second bedroom, 'Shweta and I went outside onto the street to celebrate with everyone.'

Khushi looked up at him, her eyes softening at the mention of Shweta.

Suraj moved over towards her and put an arm on her shoulder, 'I told her, I didn't want to go out, I didn't want to celebrate with the rest of Mumbai. I just wanted it to be me and her, because we never got to be just us anymore.'

'Because of me,' Khushi said softly

Suraj traced circles on Khushi's palm as he nodded, although his smiling eyes told her he didn't really mean it. 'Anyway, she said that it was always just us. Would always be just me and her, no matter what. Always.'


'I'll always be here for you Arnavji, always.'

She lifted her hand so each of their fingers were aligned and touching, 'always didn't last very long, did it?'

Suraj moved his fingers into the spaces in between and clasped her hand in his and sighed. Khushi let her own fingers relax until they were holding hands.

'Khushi,' he said her name softly silently asking for any indication of refusal as he leant towards her. Khushi closed her eyes to the memory of another man leaning towards her similarly and let herself forget, for just one night.

One incomplete kiss had completely broken down a relationship that had barely begun to form and as Khushi slipped out of Suraj's embrace in the morning and picked up her clothes from the floor, she wondered if they had just ruined what little understanding they had.

Ever since their wedding, things had been awkward and strained but that one night with Suraj instead of ruining things helped them instead rebuild the easy friendship and camaraderie they'd had before the accident.

---

Khushi pushed away the covers in frustration and pushed her hair away from her face. She stayed on the bed though for another few minutes trying to dissuade herself but then she couldn't deny the need anymore. She needed to make jalebis.