FF: Breathing Only Half of the Air - Chapter 2

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Chapter Two

Khushi looked at the man in front of her who lay looking lifeless and so weak. Babuji had taken her in when she had nothing, had done nothing but love and support her. And in return, she had run away as soon as things got a little difficult. Abandoned him so selfishly, found somebody else to love and support her and never once looked back.

Khushi put her head in her hands and allowed her tears to escape slowly and silently over her face and onto her hands. Leaving her father had been the worst thing she had ever done, the worst decision she had ever made but leaving him had hurt a lot less than the alternative.

Arnav could look out of the window into the dark empty sky and pretend to be blind to the sight of her shaking shoulders but the sound of her sobs were like knives in his chest that he couldn't ignore.

The feel of a comforting hand on her head made Khushi jerk her head up. The tears that lay half-formed in her eyes and on her cheeks were forgotten as she met his gaze and saw in them something that she had convinced herself she'd imagined all those years ago.

Arnav had ignored her completely since they'd left her building, only speaking when completely necessary to guide her into the helicopter and to inquire as to whether she'd prefer to go home or visit her father first since it was so late by the time they reached Delhi.  

He probably didn't even have the right to talk to her now without asking Suraj first he had thought viciously. But as soon as he saw her eyes so full of pain and despair he forgot all his resentment and anger in one moment, wanting only to comfort and console her. There were so many questions he wanted to ask, answers he needed but dreaded hearing.

He should have known even before he'd gone to the apartment. It was too lavish, in too good of an area, how could he have imagined she would live there alone?  She wasn't wearing a mangalsutra and had no sindoor in her hair, but there was a ring. A ring on the finger he had bound with tape many years ago and there was her son. Was he her son? No, he couldn't be her son. How could Khushi have a son? But there was that picture and there was Suraj.

'Just in time to say goodbye to Mama.'

'Be a good boy for Papa okay baby?'

Khushi gasped and moved away, the pain she felt for her Babuji replaced by another pain which always affected her more than it should.

'I don't want to hear anything you have to say. I don't even want to look at you!'

Arnav stood up quickly and looked away. He had seen the flash of pain her eyes, but he ignored it just like he ignored the corresponding pain in his chest. 'We should go. You can come back tomorrow with Akash and Payal.'

There was silence again while they drove from the hospital to the Raizada house. Arnav had explained to her very briefly and succinctly when she'd protested about staying there that her entire family had been living there for three years now and there was nowhere else for her to go. Khushi's brain screamed at her, yes there was somewhere else to go! She could go back to Mumbai, go back to Sharman and Suraj but she had only nodded in acceptance.

'Khushi, Khushi!' Payal crushed her into a hug and sobbed into her hair as Khushi hugged her back tightly, 'I'm so sorry Jiji, I'm sorry.'

Akash put his arms around the two sisters trying to placate them and also stop the sounds of their tears from carrying to the rest of the sleeping household.

Arnav watched the scene with moist eyes; desperately wishing he could join them, wishing Khushi had greeted him with as much affection and longing and wishing he could express his elation at seeing her just as Payal had done.

Khushi looked up in time to see him turn swiftly and out of the door they had just come through. She closed her eyes again quickly hoping that it would somehow help her to close her heart, put a stop to the concern she felt for him, dampen the desire to run into his arms at every possible opportunity.

Arnav drove for miles; unaware of where he was going, trying to escape his thoughts, his memories and mostly the sound of her voice in his head.

'Arnavji please, please look at me. Please forgive me, I never meant for this to happen! Please Arnavji, please!'

They had been the last words she'd said to him and he couldn't even place an image to that particular memory because he'd refused to look at her, refused to look into her eyes and see her tears because he'd known they would threaten his resolve in just one glance.

It had been 5 hours since he had found her but she had barely even looked at him and hadn't said his name, not even once.

Arnav put his foot on the brake harshly and closed his eyes trying to drown out the sound of her sobs in his head. He let out a shuddering sigh as he put the handbrake on and slowly opened his eyes.

 It was the same road. He had unconsciously travelled to exactly the same road he had come to on a similarly dark and dismal night three years ago. He could no longer control the barrage of emotions and memories swirling and mixing with the images in his head of Khushi, Suraj and their baby until he could imagine them all standing together: Suraj with his arms around Khushi who was holding the baby, all of them laughing at Arnav, laughing at his pain.

Arnav let the tears come freely now as his shoulders shook, hot and salty, staining his face before they fell onto the black leather of the steering wheel where he had rested his head. The irony of the situation did not escape him as he realised he was in exactly the same position he had been three years ago, crying on a desolate road over a relationship that had never existed and a woman that had never cared.