FF: Breathing Only Half of the Air - Chapter 5

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Chapter Five

'Di!' Arnav blinked his eyes at the harsh sunlight suddenly streaming through the open windows.

'Chote! Get up! Tell me what happened with Khushiji? Payal says she's in the guest room sleeping. Is it true? Did you find her? Did you bring her back? I knew you'd find her! I've been telling you for so many years, all you had to do was look for her and she'd come back.'

Arnav sat up and rubbed his eyes,  he had hardly slept the whole night and was in no mood to discuss Khushi's return with his sister.

'What happened to your hand?'

'It's nothing Di,' he pushed away the covers and went to the bathroom, he'd just begun to close the door when he stopped and opened it again at Anjali's words..

'Have you told her you love her Chote? What did she say? Did she tell you she loves you?'

'Di, I have told you a hundred times! I don't love her and she most certainly doesn't love me, she never did!'

'But Chote...'

'No Di! If she loved me she wouldn't have left. If she loved me she wouldn't be... I've told you again and again, love doesn't exist! Love is just a label that people give to lust to make it sound more respectable! Shyam didn't love you and Khushi doesn't love me!'

He slammed the door on her shocked face and leaned back against it with his eyes closed regretting his words immediately. He knew how much mentioning Shyam would hurt Anjali, almost as much as it hurt him whenever Khushi was mentioned. At least Anjali had experienced Shyam's love, fake as it was for over three years whereas he had had mere days to bask in the glory of Khushi's fake affection.

---

Arnav tapped his foot impatiently, his eyes scanning but once again failing to take in any information from the newspaper he was reading. He'd escaped to work early in the morning before she woke up but had spent all day doing nothing but think about Khushi and the impending arrival of Suraj and the baby. He'd arrived home early and after apologising profusely to Anjali had spent most of the day wandering around the living room listening intently to any mention of Khushi's name.

He learned that she had gone with Akash and Payal to visit her father but nothing in any of the excited conversations about her return revealed any new information to him. There was none of the excitement that should have been apparent in her Aunt and Mother at the news of an unknown grandchild and his heart lifted briefly at the thought that maybe he had misunderstood the situation and then it came crashing down again as the reality overtook him once again.


'Just in time to say goodbye to Mama.'

It was past 7 before the doorbell rang and Arnav stiffened in his seat. This was it. They rounded the corner and Arnav balked slightly at the sight of Payal holding the baby, talking to it in ridiculous baby language while Akash was talking genially to Suraj. Had they known? Had Akash and Payal been in contact with Khushi all this time and lied to him? Well not to him because he'd never asked. But had they lied to Di? Nani? Amma and Buaji?

'Payaliya, whose baby is this? Where did you pick him up from?'

'Hello Buaji, hello Auntyji,' Suraj bent down to greet Khushi's family and then joined his hands together to greet Arnav's.

'Haire Nand Kishore! Suraj babua, you're here?'

Arnav's eyes widened as he watched Khushi's Mother and Aunt greet Suraj like a long lost son. Did everybody know except him? He stayed seated watching intently as everyone else sat down around him, Khushi avoiding his gaze completely.

Buaji introduced Suraj to his family as the son of a neighbour they'd had in Lucknow and Arnav felt relieved slightly. The idea that he was the only one that hadn't known, that he was the only one she had hidden her life from had hurt more than he ever would have expected.

He waited anxiously for all the introductory formalities to be over. Never had he been more irritated by the idiosyncrasies that Mami and Buaji possessed stretching every sentence longer than necessary with their superfluous catchphrases.

'Is this your son babua? I heard you got married as soon as your Mother passed away and then left Lucknow, it was all very rushed wasn't it? I wanted to come to the funeral but we were having such problems here with poor Anjali and on top of that this Sanka Devi left us all without a care in the world. When Sunaina told me about it she didn't even know who the bride was! Where is your wife? What are you doing here in Delhi?'

Arnav waited with baited breath for Suraj to answer and watched as he looked at Khushi for a moment, seeking approval for something and receiving a small imperceptible nod in response.

Khushi took Sharman out of Payal's lap to her own and looked at Suraj again who smiled at her encouragingly.  'Actually Buaji, Amma, Suraj is my husband and this is Sharman. He's our son.'

There was stunned silence in the room and Arnav schooled his face to appear impassive and uncaring even though he felt his insides burning with rage and a desire to hurl large objects around the room. He could feel Anjali's gaze on him, she had whipped around to look at him as soon as Khushi had said 'husband' but he didn't turn to look at her, didn't want to see the pity in her expression. Akash and Payal however looked calm and unsurprised, this was not new information to them. He needed to know if they had known all along or if their discovery had been as recent as his.

Nani eventually broke the silence, 'Wow Khushi dear, this is excellent news. Congratulations, but why didn't you say anything this morning? And we didn't even guess! Where is your mangalsutra? Your sindoor?' She looked at Khushi accusingly as did the rest of the older women.

Suraj put a hand on Khushi's knee, 'no Naniji, it's okay I don't mind. Khushi doesn't have to...'

'No no Suraj, she has to. This is wrong Khushi, you always knew the meaning of these things and now you're not upholding the customs yourself?'

Khushi looked at Suraj guiltily, she had never felt comfortable wearing the mangalsutra and sindoor. It always felt like such a betrayal to Shweta and as if she was mocking Devi Maiyya and the institution of marriage that she had limited herself to only ever wearing them on festivals. She handed Sharman over to Suraj reached over to her handbag on the floor next to her and pulled out the mangalsutra she always carried with her.

'No Sanka Devi!'

Khushi stopped with the mangalsutra half way around her neck at the sound of her Aunt's shriek, 'what's wrong Buaji?'

'What's wrong is you cheated us out of a wedding! First you just leave us all and now you didn't even think for one moment that your family would like to watch you get married? No, this isn't fair Khushi. Wait, Payaliya go and get the sindoor from the temple and Garima, you hold Sharman.' She took the baby out of Suraj's hands and pulled both Khushi and Suraj up before taking the mangalsutra and placing it in Suraj's hands. 'Suraj babua, put it on in front of her, we didn't get to see her marriage but at least we'll get to see this.'

Arnav stood up abruptly to leave the room, he couldn't watch this. He didn't stop until he reached his room, shutting the door behind him panting slightly out of breath. His throat and chest felt constricted, he loosened his tie and undid the top button of his shirt hoping for some relief but it didn't come.

Every time Di had said Khushi loved him, he'd denied it forcefully but there had always been that small corner in his heart which bloomed with hope, which cherished the few memories that they'd had and begged and pleaded with him to find her, to forgive her.

She was married.
The baby was her son.
She knew Suraj from Lucknow.
Had probably already been in love with him when she'd first met Arnav.
She married Suraj as soon as she'd left, probably only days after breaking his heart.

The little corner of his heart withered and shrunk back in pain and defeat.

Arnav leaned his head back against the door breathing heavily before he let out a gut wrenching scream and swiped his hand across his dresser pushing everything onto the floor.