OS: Hanging by a Memory

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OS: Hanging by a Memory

Khushi's steps slowed down as she approached the room that she hadn't been inside since she'd moved out over four months ago.  The memories never left her but she'd thought she'd accepted them and moved on but being here, about to enter the room that held her most precious memory she faltered. That one night with Arnav haunted her every dream, every step and every breath.

Their marriage hadn't been perfect, far from it in fact but she still cherished every moment of it. For those few months she had been able to believe that maybe dreams do come true. She had lived with the hope that one day their strained silences and uncomfortable glances towards each other would turn into something more, something that they always seemed to be hovering on the brink of. But before they had managed to fall over the precipice of love, cross the boundary from convenience to necessity, their objective was achieved and their marriage became unnecessary.

That last night had involved even more strained silences and uncomfortable glances as Khushi packed her bags. Only when Khushi finally broke the silence did the atmosphere change. 'So I guess this is it, our last night together.'

Arnav had taken a deep breath in and Khushi prepared herself for another angry tirade from him but he surprised her again as he had done every day of their marriage and pulled her towards him and crushed her lips with his. Their tongues had clashed impatiently as they ran their hands over one another desperate for physical contact unhampered by clothes. They only broke apart once very briefly as Arnav prepared himself to enter her before he claimed her mouth again thrusting inside roughly claiming her body as his own as well. Their lovemaking was urgent, frantic and intense reaching its climax almost as soon as they'd begun.

The next two times had been much slower but just as intense. Arnav had taken his time exploring every inch of Khushi's skin and pleasuring her until she had been unable to resist any longer and cried out his name imploring him to fulfil the promise his hands and lips had made to her. Khushi had in return, with Arnav's guidance, teased and thrilled him in ways she hadn't thought possible.

Unfortunately memories of that night came in tandem with memories of the following morning; once again full of unspoken words and unbearable tension. Neither of them had spoken until they'd reached her house and he took out her suitcase from the boot. 'Thank you,' they'd both said at the same time in similar soft and husky voices.  There might have been more words, more emotions shared through unspeaking eyes if they hadn't been interrupted by her family.

That same family was the reason Khushi was even standing at the threshold of a room she had resigned herself to never entering again. The past four months had been filled with the same tension every time they met but the only words that had ever been spoken between them were bland pleasantries you would exchange with a stranger, not the words that should have been spoken between two people with so many shared memories.

Arnav turned and his breath stilled. He'd known that someone would come looking for him when he left the ceremony so abruptly but he hadn't thought it would be her. In the past 4 months she had been to the house seven times and not once had she even ventured towards the direction of this room.

Seeing Khushi dressed in a saree after so long, watching his brother and her sister enter into journey that he and Khushi should have still been on, a journey whose ending they had planned before they'd even begun, had been too much to bear.

Arnav watched as Khushi's eyes flickered from him around the room before her eyes came to rest on the bed. She blushed and looked away before looking back at Arnav. Arnav saw the recollection and the heat in her eyes. The memory that had haunted him for months was finally within reach, tangible, and all he had to do was reach out and take it. He didn't think, he just moved.

Khushi didn't have a chance to speak as Arnav's lips came crashing over her own. All her pent up desire from the past four months came flooding back in a wave and overtook her. Arnav kissed her aggressively as he pulled her saree away from her body and pulled apart her blouse to open it. Khushi moaned as Arnav kissed her neck and her breasts hungrily as her own hands pawed at his shirt, desperate to get it off so she could touch his hot naked skin.

Their clothes were disposed off in a matter of seconds and Arnav lifted Khushi up slightly holding her by the waist as he pushed into her mercilessly bending his head to take one breast fully into his mouth.  Khushi wound her legs around Arnav's waist and he lifted his head to kiss her again as he picked her up and began to walk slowly towards the direction of the bed, never leaving her mouth for a second as he continued to move inside her.

They collapsed onto the bed, legs and arms intertwined, tongues playing hide and seek with the other until they reached the pinnacle of their desire together and Arnav collapsed on top of Khushi burying his head in her hair sighing her name over and over again.

Khushi cradled Arnav's head in her hands as she stroked his hair, only when she heard the voices of guests walking past the room did her hand still. She pushed at Arnav's shoulders gently, sitting up and wrapping the sheet around her before she got off the bed. She wasn't sure what had just occurred but she didn't regret it. At the very least it would be another memory for her to cling on to, another incident for her to replay again and again in her head and while away sleepless nights.

Arnav watched Khushi get up, trying and failing to speak. What could he say? How could he put himself in a position of possible rejection? But was his pride worth prolonging the agony of the past four months without her and extending it to last for a lifetime?

Khushi picked up her saree and examined it. It had tears in numerous places where her safety pins had been holding it in place earlier and been unable to withstand the force of Arnav's passion. The blouse was in a similar condition with many of the hooks completely torn off. 'What am I supposed to wear now?' She spoke out loud to herself.

Arnav got out of bed, stopping to put his boxers on before he walked over to the wardrobe, opened it and turned to look at Khushi. He hoped he wouldn't need words. Words didn't come easily to Arnav, he always managed to choose the wrong ones, choose the wrong tone and say something completely different to what his brain wanted to say

Khushi's breath stilled slightly as she saw the wardrobe still full of all the clothes she had left behind. Arnav had insisted that she take them all, take all her jewellery, but she had refused. The clothes and jewellery held no meaning for her beyond Arnav. She hadn't wanted to take them with her and have yet another reminder of the failure that was their marriage.

Khushi ran her hands gently over the clothes in the wardrobe, no longer separate as they used to be during their marriage, her clothes on one side and his on the other. Now they were mingled together, shirts, jumpers, sarees, dresses and suits all mixed up in no particular order or arrangement.

As Khushi began to pick out a saree, Arnav pulled her hand back down to rest in between them and looked at Khushi intently. Khushi needed words, he knew she did but he couldn't bring himself to say the ones he knew he should say. 'Don't. Don't go,' he said instead.

She caught the meaning in his eyes. It was the same look he had had four months ago when he had dropped her off to her house but this time he had added words to that look, perhaps not the words that would have cleared her mind of any doubt but words that had at least added hope to her heart. 'You didn't ask me to stay before,' she spoke softly.

'I'm asking now,' he pulled her hand softly and led her back to the bed slowly.

Their lovemaking was slow and sensual, expressing every unspoken word, every hidden emotion between them until there were no barriers left. There was only the two of them with their hearts laid bare and their hopes and dreams exposed to the other.

Arnav sat up and leaned across to open the drawer pulling out a black beaded necklace which held two rings within its confines. He slowly unclasped the necklace, dropping the rings into his palm and held the necklace up to Khushi. He looked into her eyes questioningly and only when he sensed her approval did he clasp the necklace around her neck, finally returning it to where it belonged.

Khushi touched her mangalsutra lightly before she reached down to Arnav's closed fist, pulling it open and picking up one of the rings that lay in his palm. The metal felt warm to her touch and as she stretched Arnav's fingers out towards her she realised just how clammy his hand was, betraying the nerves that his expression managed to mask so well.

Arnav breathed in shallow breaths as Khushi slipped the ring over his knuckle and back onto his finger. She couldn't know how often in the past four months he had put that ring on himself and allowed himself moments of pure fantasy in which they shared every thought, every emotion and had never been separated.

He looked at the ring and then to the woman that had placed it on his finger who was looking at him with such affection that all of his fears disappeared. There wasn't even the faintest possibility of rejection in those eyes, there was only acceptance and hope. Arnav took the ring that was left in his palm and picked Khushi's hand up slowly. He looked into her eyes as he began to leisurely put the ring on her finger.

'I love you.'